tips from "Hatchet"

I thought the book had a much deeper insight on life than it cared to admit. An entire life's worth of feelings and struggles are fit into 54 days in the wild. I thought that's how life sometimes feels - a constant struggle ("nothing is easy here"). And depression can be overcome with "things to do". The story is told in a simple way, yet without warning there is a very deep thought and you are stopped by it, and confronted.

Building a new course at 32

Is 32 too old to turn around and start building in a new direction? I guess all my life I did what I had to do - degree to get a job, a job to survive, a decision that fits someone's else needs. I don't even know if I am capable to pull out my interest, my passion from all the lids of "required" and "necessary".
I guess it doesn't hurt to try. What do I have to lose? The worst thing that can happen is I accomplish nothing. But complacency is unforgivable. I have too much to invest, to offer, to develop to allow myself to rot in complacency. My time is claimed by my little treasures, but what good am I to them if I am damaged by regret and frustration?

Men vs. women

In my church culture there is a certain aspect that really bugs me. Men who are given the priesthood authority sometimes get this idea into their head that they are somehow superior to women. Yes, the church policy is that everybody is equal, but the DeFacto situation is quite different. Since the leadership is made up of men only, women are not taken seriously. They are the cookie bakers, the quilt-makers, the smiley submissive sisters. How dare they even allow such thought of superiority enter their minds. If there is a reason why men only can bear priesthood, that would be to compensate them for whatever they lack in comparison to women. We are born mature with mature instincts and mature plans for our lives. To us it was trusted to care and to raise the new-comers. Men were given physical strength and skill to provide for us, while we raise the new generations of the human kind. Without priesthood - more service than power - they would continue play with their toys.

I feel like I am building sand castles each day. And at the sunset the wave comes and wipes it all out. I was anticipating today for quite some time now. I had all planned out, and each hour was to be used purposely. And here I am, and it is all gone.
That is our life - a sand castle. All that is left are feelings and bits of memories. And, I guess, some consequences. I am sad to watch this fragile creation gradually lose its shape and give in to the inevitability of time.

What moves us? Feelings. There are destructive feelings (anger, depression, hate, envy, thrill..) and feelings that create life or promote growth (love, compassion, joy, peace). Most people try to avoid the destructive feelings, and are working to achieve the peaceful feelings. If we exist beyond the boundaries of this world, feelings must have a special role. Here the effect our emotions have on other people is obvious. We aware that negative emotions cause physical sickness, happy feelings on contrary stimulate physical health. We can't underestimate our feelings. We have annual physical check ups, I think we should have annual emotional check ups as well... that if the insurance covers it.
Feelings have an immense power. Learning to distinguish them, and to control them could be an art. It is not in the modern western culture to focus on our emotions at school, unless there are visual problems. Eastern culture is more in tune to feelings. Peace of mind gives a man a perfect foundation for growth, for work and for general well being.

New York

Everything has to balance itself out. As beautiful Manhattan can be, it is set with a circle of dumps. Manhattan deserves its fame though. And such a treat for human studies. I could just grab random faces from the cround and disect their lives, to lay out what drives them, what effects their life, their thoughts and experiences. Such a variety... I walked around Chinatown for an hour. I walked so far into it that eventually I was the only nonasian face. I have a great respect and admiration for their culture, by the way.
Chinatown is humangous. It eventually swallows you whole and for a second you forget you are in New York. There were fewer and fewer signs in English, soon the havos of smells and noise of minimarkets and the buzzing life around them becomes a part of you.

I read in a science magazine that blogging can be therapeutical. So here I am. For some reason it's hard to focus once I get to sit down and stare at the blank screen. During the day I have a million thoughts in my head. I wish I could just hook my brain to the processor.
Since nobody really reads this blog I can use it for storing the mess I've got in my head.
I've talked to my niece about day dreaming. She is the only person so far that I came across who easily retrieves into a different world. You know on a long bus ride (I had plenty of those ...) your mind levitates into a different place. It's similar to watching a movie in your head.
I wonder if there is anyone else who has this day dreaming attached to their daily lives.